San Gil – Minca – Palomino

"We sat by the fire and waited. My nervousness was building up. Somehow I knew that the experience would be positive, that there was definitely much to learn. Still, I was dominated by a fear of "near death," of falling into the unknown, of being dominated by something I didn't know. Don't fight it, I said. Just breathe calmly and let it happen.
First, Juan wanted to know about our consumption habits. Whether we drink, smoke, like spicy food, and so on. Since we answered yes to most of that, he knew that first our bodies, mainly the kidneys, needed to be cleansed. So we were each given a large jar of a bitter whitish slag to force down. And sure enough, it wasn't long before we both jumped into the bushes and emptied our stomach contents.
Soon after, Juan began the ceremony. He pointed out to us what it was about. We must let the spirit of medicine work, ask it what we want to know from it. To recognize the almighty power in nature and connect with it. Get away from the surface and superficiality, go deep within ourselves.
While Claudio incensed us with copal, Juan said prayers, invoking the spirits to help us with palm fronds and harmonica. Each of us was given a small sip from a legume cup. The stuff tasted bitter, something fermented.
After that we all lay down, some by the fire, others a little further away into the darkness.
Nothing happened for a long time. An imperceptible calm came over me. A feeling of being a mother, of having everything under control and being able to protect everyone.
I could have spent the whole night like that. Then the effect became stronger and stronger. Good, I thought, now is the time. Like giving birth, breathe evenly and always know that this state will pass. Despite visual changes, the oppressive effect subsided somewhat over time.
So it changed again and again from the inside to the outside, from the inner feeling world to the outer world. Like a pulsation, which sometimes became stronger, then weakened again.
After hours, I felt like I was waking up from a fever dream. My body bathed in sweat. I imagined how everything bad would be pressed out of it and let it continue to sweat.
As a next step, Juan blew cleansing snuff into one of my nostrils with a kind of pipe, then into the other. I became instantly dizzy and quickly settled down by the fire. With difficulty I crawled to the edge of the place to vomit up completely. It was amazing how much came out. It felt like all energy was being drained from me. Trembling, I tried to prop myself up so that I could spit again and again.
Then finally it was over. My body felt like an empty shell, yet I was comfortable now. As if reborn, freed from everything bad, connected with the earth, life and my body. My mind, my spirit, perfectly clear.
After a sip of water, I sank back onto the mat to relax my tired body. It continued to dance before my eyes, but I felt good, clear and ready for life.
At some point during the night, Magdalena sat down with me. Her hip against mine, bent over me, the shaman began to talk to me. I was confused at first. "What is she doing? Is she getting that close to everyone right away? Do I really need to focus on this conversation right now?"
That was difficult. I would have liked to tell her to share her life story with me later, I would have liked to lie down and sleep. But I kept silent. I thought to myself that I could at least try to get something out of it.
Over time, I was able to do that. She told me about her enthusiasm for life: "I love to laugh and just do what I like. If someone crosses my path who radiates badness, I leave him alone. He has his life, I have mine. Everyone has to learn for themselves. Every person is just a person. If you know that, nothing can happen to you.
I was in Bogota, in the dangerous streets. I was not afraid. Because when you know that everyone is only human, you connect with everyone, love everyone in a certain way. Your counterpart notices that and treats you differently. When you are happy in your heart, you know who you are and where you want to go.
You have a fire in your belly and know that if you like it, you stay, if you don't like it anymore, you move on. You fix your goal, raise your chest and move forward courageously without avoiding difficulties. On the easy path you learn less than on the difficult one. Because that's what you want: to learn, to progress and not to be afraid of life. All the knowledge you need is already within you.
When I was little, I didn't have any books. We didn't have money for them. I didn't get an education. But once I was able to borrow a book from a friend, and I liked it very much. My friends said I couldn't understand the book at all without education. I didn't care what they said. I understood it and I liked it.
It was then that I realized that you can understand everything if you understand yourself and life. You don't need education to understand. You don't need money to go your way. A strong will is much more important. Too much education confuses the mind.
I learn what I need at the moment and concentrate on that. If I need something else later, I learn it then. I enjoy the day and laugh. My laughter makes others laugh, which carries on and on. A seed planted by me spreads.
No one, no ruler, no rich person can command over me. I am a creature of nature, like all of us, and nobody's subject. I look ahead and courageously follow my will."

At some point I fell asleep. It was already light when Claudio woke us up with a hot panela (sugar water) and a piece of bread. I got up, not yet fully sane, but as if reborn."